Ramblings of the Mildly Insane

“I’d rather be a little insane and admit it than be a lot insane and in denial. “

[rant]
Well, I’m blind (actually, only temporarily) b/c – like the dumbass that I can be – decided to actually READ the page with the worst background color …ever. I heard the nagging voice in the back of my head saying “what’s wrong with you? You do realize that once you’re done reading it you’re gonna be seeing green spots and feel like your hooped up on some weird drug you’ve never heard of tried before – right?”

But did I listen to that voice – noooooo

Some people should just not be allowed to design their own web pages – there should be some sorta law or something. The good people running blackplanet.com should have enough sense not to allow people to design their pages without some web design guidelines or something.

I’m sure that’s how many people who actually wander to my personal blog feel about me…but oh well – at least my background color is not red.
[/rant]

March 3

The moon is nice and full, hidden by the lacey gray clouds of night. The night birds usually come out and sing me to sleep, except tonight. I can’t sleep tonight. I don’t feel like it. I worry. I worry about what I will do tomorrow to get the attention and popularity I want. My mind is cluttered with images of all the popular people and from what I see I have a long way to go. It’s this late in the school year and I’m still asking myself what makes me so different from the other kids. The wind just shifted and blew through the treetops, it caught my attention. Why can’t I be like the wind? Just blow through the treetops once in a while and have no other bothers. Once I get to the place they call school, an educational pit of learning. I look around me, I observe what no other person cares to look at. I see parents making their children kiss them on the cheek. Why? So that they could be reassured that their child loves them? I see people looking at me and I often wonder what they’re thinking. Oh, what I would give to see and hear and think through someone else, not just me. A black cat crossing nearly being hit by a car catches my eye. What a beautiful and graceful cat, blending into the scenery going unnoticed by those who do not care to look. To be as agile as a cat and not have to worry about what the trolls roaming the halls might think. The lacey black clouds covering the moon have shifted to show off the moon’s glorious glow. Soft and yellow. Perfect for a wish. The same wish I’ve wished for the past four years of my life and I still believe someday it will come true. To see like other people see, to hear like other people hear, not always have to see everything, and not always have to hear everything. My heart sags and my breath comes harder as I watch the pendulum of unwanted-ness near my chest. Every minute I look at all the faces in my learning center, I feel deep warm tears. I fall asleep as small droplets of rain hit my window and I drift off to my land of slumber and dreams where all I want comes true and at least I have a false happiness instead of none.

The comfort of sleep
The call of my dreams
Where all as you know it
Is not as it seems

finish reading »

He seemed so cool and debonair when I laid my eyes on him. He was sitting at his desk, diligently doing his work and trying arduously not to look in my direction. Maybe it was a sign that I was not to be looking or even thinking of having a chance with him, but something deep within me couldn’t resist. The joy of the hunt, that’s what it could have been. I could feel my body rise to the challenge, it felt like I was doing everything in my power to catch his glance, only with no avail. There, it was quick and direct! Though it seemed like forever, it only lasted no more than three seconds, but we saw each other. We looked right into each others’ eyes, yet, it seemed I was out of my league and he wanted nothing do with my kudos of him. The hunt had begun.

finish reading »

The world around me is no mere world hanging in space,
The world is a sick and twisted joke from the mind of…

Sometimes I have pity for the shamed who have no pity for me
When they think me shamed.

I never see the same thing twice.
I explore what I can because I know nothing is forever.
I see details.

I hear the cries that no one else hears, but
I also hear the joy around me.

I smell the sour and decaying world everyone else smells,
But I also smell the sweetness everyone else forgets.

I taste the bitterness of hate that no one can get rid of,
But I savor the creaminess of pleasure because there is so little.

I experience what I touch and
Remember it may be the last time I ever touch it again.

I grip all I can because nothing’s a reality,
It’s all an obscure vision blown by the wind.

Though I think this world a pebble falling for an everlasting lifetime
I cherish its wonder.

if i lay alone
trying to clear my head
an image floats by
faded by time
happy at first
but then bathing me in sadness
because i know i will never have that image back
then another flies by
and i start to wonder why they had to go
and more images swirl by
too many for me to count
gathering in my mind
each one foggier than the last
bits and pieces collecting in my mind
until i no longer know fantasy from reality
and just as easily as they came, they blow away
leaving me with wet eyes
and a handful of lost memories

The scene appears normal, and your classmates continue to carry on as usual and life goes on. Next to you, calmly doing the assignment that was given by the teacher, is probably the most tactful student of the bunch…

…but did you know about the conversations that are heard inside his head? finish reading »

The poems and stories may or may not be fiction. They are not modeled after your life and if it seems like it is, it is purely a coincidence.

All content on Mild Insanity is copyright 1992-Present (unless otherwise noted). Please do not utilize or redistribute my work without permission. If you really, really want to use something, simply leave a comment on the post and I’ll get back to you. (And please make sure you use a valid e-mail address.)

Thanks much,
Teli

In what some may call a sick and twisted sociology experiment, I decided to test the strength of our youth’s vocabulary. The word of choice: Gay (meaning happy or excited). Names have been changed to protect the clueless…

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