Ramblings of the Mildly Insane

As I’ve said many times before, this is my first time voting. There are some things that I’m now realizing that you never take notice of before you’re a registered voter:

*You receive a whole lot more junk mail when you’re a registered voter
*You have to vote for more than one person
*The information can be overwhelming

Since this is a monumental event for me (and I still can’t understand why so many people aren’t excited - but maybe b/c the shiney - newness of their voter registration cards has worn off) and I am a little scared of the process, I called my sister and asked if she would go with me to vote.

I considered doing the “vote by mail” thing but I didn’t get my request off in time, so I’m going to an early polling location on Sunday afternoon with her. We were intending to go tonight, but that was until we realized the early polling locations closed at 6:00pm and we decided to go at 5:52 :).

I’m actually glad for the extra time because it gives me a chance to really go over the “instructions” (sample ballot) that came in the mail. MY GOD I had no idea that there were going to be people besides George W. Bush and John Kerry on there. I’m using this extra time as a “cram session” to figure out who these people are, what their roles will be, and what their positions are.

On another note, I received something in the mail a few weeks ago that I dismissed as more political junk mail, but I didn’t throw it away and I’m actually very glad I didn’t. It’s actually a “Non Partison Handbook for New Voters” from Stanford University.

Apparently, I was selected at random from a list of newly registered voters to review the information contained therein to possibly help get more young people involved with the voting process and so far, it is awesome.

It’s the first time when I can actually look at the candidates without all the superfluous banter about why the other one eats {expletive deleted}. It explains why my vote counts, the political process, what one has to do in order to become president, and the election process.

Not only that, it introduces you to each candidate and their stands on the issues (unbiased - no fixing it to make one guy look like the bad guy or anything). I may not agree with some of their stands, but at least it’s presented in a non-partison fashion. I also noticed the “20 Million Loud” logo throughout the presentation. I also appreciate that they have young people asking questions that are on our minds and getting a direct answer from the parties…

They even collected each of their political ads, recordings from their speeches, even some political games…this is really neat and hopefully it will be distributed to a wider audience and hopefully that wider audience will take the time to view it.

It’s only every so often that I realize how important mornings are. The are the significators of a fresh start. A new beginning. Yesterday is now the past and tomorrow is now the future.

This morning was a lovely morning. I positioned my bed specifically so I’d be able to reach over and open up the vertical blinds and peer out my patio and watch the sun hitting the water. Now, I don’t live on a lake or anything, more like a canal, but the view’s still pretty decent. I hadn’t watched the pale pinks and yellows of the rising sun in a long while. I got too swept up in work and deadlines and issues to realize the truly important stuff in life.

Actually waking up, watching the birth of a new day, and sipping on a warm cup of tea (osmathus green with a hint of Yin Hao jasmine)

Oh and I almost forgot - feeding the kitty . Kitties need good mornings too…

That was the first book I’d ever had read to me. I was in the third grade and every Thursday afternoon Mrs. Dale’s class (my class) went over to Mrs. Wesson’s classroom for story hour.

My parents never read to me - no one read to me when I was a child. I learned to read when I was 3 and read to myself - Sesame Street was a lot more educational than one may have thought. I only had a few books at home, many of which I’d read 5 or more times. I read anything and everything that had words on it - literally.

I believe that’s why I always liked story hour. New stories and it was just very nice to hear the words spoken out loud. Then, after one book was finished, I’d ask her if I could borrow it for a few days and she always said yes. For a few days I could read that book and imagine I was one of the characters and what life would be like. I guess I still do that sometimes.

Although it took me nearly 20 years, I finally got my own copy of it. I was in a second hand book store donating some of my more weathered titles and paring down my library when I caught a glimpse of it from the corner of my eye.

Island of the Blue Dolphins by Scott O’Dell in pristine condition - almost as if it had never been read. The memories of third grade story hour came flooding back and I remembered why I loved to read so much - how could I resist buying it?

Somehow I’ve managed to block out so many memories of my childhood, it was just refreshing to step back in time for a moment and recapture something so delicate and wonderful from it.

Damn…

2 invitations to a wedding I don’t want to go to

The really scary part is…people are actually interested in bidding for them….

at least for the month of November…

National Novel Writing Month

Normally, people would be a bit worried when they learn they have a new stalker, but not me :). And no, this is not grocery store dude(s) - actually, haven’t heard from him in a while, but I think he got the hint when I stopped shopping at his grocery store and drove the extra block to the other one…

Anyhoo, this is new stalker dude - apparently, this is a guy a I knew um…some 3 years ago…somehow he’s been able to track me down although my phone numbers (all of them) have been changed since that time, I don’t have the same email addresses, and I’m not listed…wow - now that’s what I call skillz. Frankly, I don’t remember who he is although he swears I know him…oh well.

Hmmm…now that I think about it, he could very well have done a search for my name, but as far as I can tell, he didn’t know my last name and there are quite a few telians out there (well, last names and electronics anyway)

For ****:
- no I didn’t give him my phone number
- no I didn’t tell him where I shop
- no I didn’t give him the location of my dance classes
- no I wasn’t drunk when I met him
- no I didn’t give him any information about me…

I knew eventually I would have a post on this topic. I just overheard someone use the term “nigger” and it made me cringe - apparently racism still exists (on all sides of the color spectrum). Everyone has their own beliefs, but frankly, I have no idea why people don’t like other people based solely on the complexion of their skin. I just don’t understand it, I try to, but I don’t. People are people.

I didn’t even know I was black until I was about 5 years old and a kid in my kindergarten class told me so:
kid in my class: my mommy says you’re black
my response: what does that mean?
kid in my class: that’s why your skin is brown and mine is pink
my response: oh, okay
back to playing with legos or whatever

That was about the extent of my racial dealings.

Then I moved to Florida and my glass bubble broke - the first time in my life I was called a “nigger” - it was my 3rd day of high school and I was walking home when a pick up truck with 5 guys drove by and one of the guys in the bed screamed out “hey nigger bitch!” and I stopped - literally. I honestly didn’t understand it - I had seen it in the films in history class and in some movies, but I didn’t understand it. I went home and looked up the meaning of the word nigger in the dictionary. That turned out to be the second worst day of my life.

From that day forward, I never walked to or from school again and it was the first time in my life I had ever been afraid that someone would physically hurt me simply because of my skin color - needless to say, the neighborhood in which we lived was not very color-friendly (however, they were not overtly racist). Most of the kids didn’t take the same stance as most of the adults - thank God.

Since then, I always felt like I stuck out like a sore thumb - and not because of my height anymore. I never had a problem being the only black kid in any group, but since then, each time I’m in a room full of one type of people (black, white, green, red, what have you), I say a little prayer hoping that they are as “liberal” minded as I am and see that I am a person and not just a color.

One may wonder why I feel uncomfortable in a room full of black people. Well - because I’ve been told on quite a few occasions that I sound white (um…yea, I’m still trying to figure out how a person can sound white). And since the internet makes communication so much easier, I’ve had people contact me, speak with me over the phone, then when we meet in person - the expression on their face says it all (some are even blatant enough to say it - “I didn’t know you were black” - some have even said I sounded “cultured” as if black people didn’t have “culture”).

I speak english as I learned it in school. I actually sat still and paid attention when the teacher spoke. I listen to rock, alternative, metal, but I also listen to rap, hip hop, jazz, folk, classical and many other types of music too. I very rarely use slang (I don’t count internet shorthand as slang). Somehow, that constitutes being white? And no Dale, this isn’t pointed at you - because you’re in the same boat (except you’ve mastered “ebonics” and frankly, I’m just not going there).

To me, people will always be people and I base my interactions with them on how they treat me (and themselves), whether we have things in common and can relate to each other - not their complexion or vernacular.

One from waaaaay back in the day, found it in one of my old journals…and contrary to what some may believe, I really was writing about chocolate

Pure Milk Chocolate
The sensations of pure rich chocolate,
A touch of the sensually smooth and creamy texture of milk
Carefully blended together to create,
Without imperfections,
That which we call pure milk chocolate
Producing a mild cocoa bean complexion
With a rich creamy, yet silken texture
But be it as it may, looking could never suffice
To comprehend that which is pure milk chocolate
One must partake in its sensuality
And to partake is to taste
And to taste is to experience
Not just experience, but relax and enjoy
While it melts on the tongue
With just a hint of sweetness lingering on the lips
How easily it flows down the throat
And from there, it can reach out to each,
To every part of the body
Racing through the veins
Making the heart pound wildly
Disturbing the mind in waves of passion
Creating visions of compulsive desires
And in its bombastic way,
Grips the soul, which will not be readily released
Establishing a warm, sweet, comfortingly friendly trust
That only pure milk chocolate can.

I’ve come to the haunting conclusion that I spend so much time working on other people’s websites (which I love doing) that I’ve neglected my own websites (i.e. this blog). I literally threw it together in just under 4 hours (and half of that was spent figuring out all the nifty plugins I could install for wordpress).

I have a new resolution for this weekend. I plan to take a break from the current projects I have in queue (barring any “emergency” emails from clients) - and I will give my blog an overhaul. It won’t look stunningly different, but what I’m hoping to do is:

- Tighten up the design (sorry but the illustration of me stays, and so does the afro-puffy heading starter)
- Create some cleaner code that is a little more accessible across browsers (eh hem…Inept Explorer)
- Update my links section (it’s looking pretty bare although my live bookmarks are bustin’ with awesome sites)
- Organize my content/thoughts properly (hehe)
- Setting up a “blogging schedule”…it seems to work with my project planning, why not with my personal blog

That’s all for now - hopefully I can get this done in a Sunday afternoon (which I feel I should )

Well, this is the first year that I get to vote. I’m excited - but it’s bittersweet. Although I’m not originally from America, I was raised here since I was three and consider myself to be quite patriotic - I am very much looking forward to voting (and hope more “young” people will also). But I watched my first presidential debate ever and you know what came to mind?

Two 3 year olds in a sandbox fighting over some toy
“hey that’s mine!”
“no it isn’t”
“yes it is”
“didn’t your mother teach you to share?”
“no- you can play with it when you pry it from my cold dead hands”
“you’re a selfish $%*&head!”
“I’m not selfish $%*&head - you’re a $#%*in’ liar!”
“I’m not a $#%*in’ liar - you are!”
….
(minus the profanity of course - but you could see them thinking it)

And as **** so kindly pointed out to me on the phone - that toy they were fighting over is the United States of America. Personally, I never fully took notice of it until now - but with each president, America changes, the overall feel of America - so I do know that choosing a president can definitely change the overall “aura” of this country, but after what I’ve seen, hell if I know what the right decision is.

For me personally, I know it’s not Mr. Bush. Frankly, this country hasn’t felt the same since Bush has been in the presidential seat and I don’t mean that in a good way. The whole Florida fiasco sucked (just so happens I live in FL) and frankly, had I been able to, I would have voted for Gore (not that it would have made a difference).

Mr. Kerry has me worried simply because he seems a little, what’s the word, shady - but what politician isn’t? And as I commented on Keith’s website - this simply boils down to the question of “which is the lesser of two evils?” and right now , it’s a 51/49 split in favor of Kerry…

And slightly off topic, regarding all these websites I see touting the US death tolls or the Iraqi death tolls - it doesn’t matter where the people are from that are dying, what matters is that they are dying. I think I remember what the reason is that our soldiers are over in the desert fighting - dying - killing…I believe it had something to do with Osama Bin Laden (and where is he now?) and I know it had something to do with the twin towers (I still cry when I think about that)…but then it had something to do with weapons of mass destruction (huh?)…then Sadam Hussein came into the picture (???)…and now it’s all muddled in my opinion. I never really liked politics and only took it because it was a requirement for graduation - but I see things how I see things. Let Iraq sort out their country, bring our soldiers home - they obviously are not wanted there, no one has any damn idea where Osama is, Sadam Hussein is no longer a threat and the weapons of mass destruction are hiding…it’s time to focus on rebuilding America and I hope that one day it can be the country I’ve become so fond of living in my entire life. This has been the first year that I’ve seriously considered moving to another nation (i.e. Europe or possibly Australia)…but I don’t want to just yet - that little peace of paper that says I’m a citizen is barely a year old*. However, I want to feel safe here again and I don’t feel that way when I know our soldiers are half a world away fighting someone else’s battle…

*I have legally been a citizen since the age of 15, however, the INS told my father I would automatically become a citizen (which was true), but they neglected to mention he needed to get the paperword for me as well. I wasn’t able to get it myself until I was an adult and even then it took another 2 1/2 years to finally get through to the right department…it was called “red tape”