Well, it’s bright and sun-shiney early in the morning and I’ve been awake for a couple hours now, but quite unproductive. I’ve already notified my clients that I will be “off-duty” until Monday, but I was hoping to get some stuff for myself done in the meanwhile.
My tummy is feeling a little queezy and lately (past two days now) I haven’t felt great. I have a houseguest coming (won’t name any names cuz he reads my blog – and I know it’s going to come back and bite me in the ass ) and it’s nerve racking. This isn’t just any houseguest either, otherwise it would be no big – it’s the ex.
We were together for about 2 years (according to him, it’s 3, but that’s a long story) and we had a bunch of issues. Anyhoo, long story short, we broke up, he moved away, we remained friends. I really am glad that we still talk and I’ve already said my I’m sorries and forgiven him for his. This is the first time I’m going to see him in a year and at first I was semi-excited, now it’s just weird.
Alot has happened since the “trip planning” and even though he deliberately booked a plane ticket without consulting me, we got it straightened out (sort of), and then he re-booked another plane ticket after I told him not to – but I decided to look on the bright side and go with it.
After a phone call at 3:45am (would have been 4:45am had it not been for daylight savings), I won’t go into the gorey details, I was really nervous about having him come visit, but decided to look past it and allow it to sort itself out. However, it’s like God is trying to tell me something and I’m not picking up the clue phone.
I tell my sister that he’s coming and she is utterly excited to see him, i.e. “my brother in-law is coming, my brother in-law is coming”, mind you, we’ve never been married or even dicussed it, and then she discussed all the facets of birth control I must use when he arrives. Normally, I’d blow it off as a joke – but I know my sister – and I know she was only being half-flippant.
Unfortunately, I can’t shake the ring of truth in her words and in his and that’s what makes me nervous. I know his charater, I know his mentality, and quite frankly – it’s not something I care to deal with, not right now. I wish he were coming to visit one of his other friends and I’d be a side trip, but alas – I’m the one he really cares about…
Here he is, due to arrive tomorrow, and every time I think about it I just have a sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach and I am literally nauseous. This is simply a situation I fully don’t want to deal with. It went from being “okay, I get to see [insert random name] – woohoo!” to “I don’t want to deal with this – especially not this time of year, can’t it wait for spring?” in the matter of a week.
I just want to scream bloody murder, crawl under a rock, and hide from the world…