My father and I have always had our problems. He’s made his mistakes, but he’s changed. I’ve made my mistakes, but I’ve changed too. We never really spoke about life in general or just shoot the breeze. I’m not saying he’s a bad father by any means, he did the best he could with what he had, and I appreciate every bit of it.
But this morning, I received the strangest phone call. He called the house, then he called my cell, then he called my house again - so I answered because I figured it was probably important. He asked me how I was doing because he had a dream about me. He dreamt I was 2 months pregnant and that I had an abortion and he wanted to make sure I was okay and nothing was wrong.
Odd dream and I assured him I was not pregnant, nor had any abortions. That conversation turned into a heartfelt talk. He didn’t want to host Thanksgiving at his new house and he wanted me to tell my sister. My sister normally hosts all Thanksgivings and Christmas’s at her home - no matter what. He also tried to get me to tell her he won’t be making it to Christmas this year either.
No one gets out of Christmas. It’s sacred. It’s all that my sister has and it’s how she copes - she asks for nothing more than Thanksgiving and Christmas - that’s all. If it were up to me, Thanksgiving and Christmas and News Year would not exist anymore - period.
Not that I don’t love the spirit or the season, or the sentiments - it’s just very hard. After I convinced him that the only reason I even go to the gatherings is simply to see my family - to see my sisters and my daddy, all together in one place again. And I believe he understood my point, thank goodness.
That conversation turned into that of the ex - how I don’t really know, but I know it all started with “You know, I really like that boy…” and I asked “why the hell am I the only one who wants to hold off on this whole - getting back together thing - it seems everyone is trying to push me into his arms”. He explained to me that people make mistakes, but we need to forgive, learn, grow, and move on from them. I said I understood and that’s why I was waiting to make a decision.
After listening to my side of the conversation, he declared I was “wise beyond my years” and that I’m right to wait. If the ex is really sincere, then he’ll be patient just the same. No one can ever take from you what is truly yours.
Having these lucid conversations with my father - not like he was the man who raised me delivering the hammer of household law - but like one adult to another kind of scares me. I worry so much about losing him and sometimes it just seems like he’s trying to make his final ammends. All in all, I’m glad that he’s doing well and he’s okay and all I really want are just more of those conversations. To hear him happy and speaking to me instead of yelling at me for something and listening with open ears to my side.