Far Too Entertaining

telian

I managed to spell my name for all of two seconds and I got proof…before someone stole my letters

Lack of Inspiration and Boredom

I’ve been struck by bouts of insomnia over the past couple days. I’m hoping to alleviate that this weekend. I think it’s because I’m getting very antsy about the project I’m working on “behind the scenes” and as it draws nearer to completion, the more nervous I get.

Anyhoo, I’ve been fiddling around in Photoshop just to help clear my head (that’s what I do, just open up a blank document and start drawing…eventually something will come to me :) ) and this is what I’ve come up with:

browser
document
preview document
red starburst
magnifying glass

I’m no icon designer, but if you like any of them, please feel free to use them as you see fit :)

Finally Understanding the Importance of Leaving Messages

During the day, when I’m working, in an effort not to let my work take over every facet of my life – I use a combination of caller ID and my answering machine to screen my calls. If it’s a number I don’t recognize or if it’s someone I may not have the time to speak with right then – I’ll let the machine pick up.

I have to do this because my phone number is literally 1 digit off from the Nations Rent store (I even had someone from their main office call my home and and started chewing my ass out for answering the phone with “yello…” ’til he realized he dialed the wrong number).

If I didn’t screen my calls, I’d be answering those calls all day coupled with the people who literally don’t know how to get off the phone even after I drop the subtle hint of “I have to get off the phone now…”. And that’s just not very productive.

For the most part, my system works out pretty well, but then there are the extra special people.

I almost had to turn off my ringer this morning because someone called from a number I didn’t recognize, I was already working so I let the machine grab it, they hung up on the machine (no big), then called back a second time 1 minute later. I still didn’t answer and they hung up on the machine again – but then called back a THIRD time like I was really going to answer it or something.

Obviously this person knew me and just wanted to annoy the hell out of me — at least that’s what it seems like. But I believe my remedy worked quite well because they have not called back again. Those who know me well enough already know what the remedy was – most likely because I’ve done it to them a few times :) .

But, let there be a lesson in this.

1 – If you are trying to reach a business establishment and you don’t hear the business establishment’s name mentioned anywhere in the answering machine message – you dialed the wrong number. Hang up and do not call back.

2 – If you are calling for a business inquiry and no one answers, leave a message – the person will most likely call you back.

3 – If you are calling because the person is already doing work for you and you need to ask them a question or tell them something, leave a message – the person will most likely call you back.

4 – If there is an emergency, hang up and dial 911.

There is NO reason why you should not leave a message on someone’s machine if it picks up besides #1 and #4. I understand that you may not like talking to a machine – I know I don’t and I used to be one of those “never leave a message” types of people, but oh how my ways have changed since being on the receiving end.

It is understandable to call someone back a second time if you believe they were unable to grab the phone by the 4th ring or at any time during the “thanks for calling” sequence despite how unlikely the case may be – but when you call back a third time, you’re just pushing it and that is the point where you start to seem…um…stalkerish.

Public Service Announcement For the Youths of Today

Trust me on this, a time will come (most likely the next 10-20 years) when you will look back and ask yourself “what the hell was I wearing?!?” and you will want to burn all photos and evidence which may incriminate your generation – it’s inevitable, learn to deal with it now so you won’t be so taken aback later.

Fleshbot gets an honourable mention

Fleshbot gets a mention in this month’s issue of Blender magazine regarding that whole (ucky) Fred Durst sex tape issue…pretty cool…

John D’Addario, editor of porn blog Fleshbot, is not optimistic. “As wankable material, it rates a zero. The girl is decent, but you have that gut and that unfortunate penis taking up the whole frame.”

Go John. Hmmm…I always figured Fleshbot for a soft core porn blog – not that I’m a regular reader or anything.

10 Reasons Why Visa Is Better Than American Express

American Express sucks ass in my opinion. The following reasons are based on a true story, I won’t go into details, but suffice it to say that American Express is being run by dumb asses.

1. When someone requests a business account be opened online – Visa calls the requester to verify their information, American Express doesn’t.

2. When it’s found out that the requester didn’t really request a business account – Visa closes the request and life goes on, American Express doesn’t — they just mail off the card (to a vacant house).

3. Fast forward 2 years. Innocent identity theft victim finds out that she now owes $20,000 for a card she never requested when American Express collections finally contacts her about the “unpaid bill”

4. Innocent identity theft victim, very confused, explains that she never opened an account with American Express and she has no idea what they’re talking about, then files police report.

5. Victim finds out who stole her identity (a man) and brings it to the attention of American Express. She also gets a lawyer to fight the lawsuit American Express brings against her for the $20,000

6. Lawyer requests proof that victim requested this card and ran up a $20,000 tab on things like hotel stays at the Holiday Inn two blocks from her own home, video rentals, and other high end doodads.

7. American Express cannot come up with any proof because the account was requested online and they sent the credit card to a vacant house (classic signs of identity theft…) and had they done a little research, they would have known victim didn’t request any line of credit from them.

8. American Exress’ case is dropped by 3 (yes, three) lawyers because they essentially had no case and judge dismisses case (without prejudice — I’m thinking the judge was bought off, but that’s just my opinion). So if American Express can somehow manifest some proof in the next 5 years, they can refile. Update: at least some other judge somewhere out there had a little more sense and dismissed it with prejudice three months later, so American Express cannot refile or try to claim any of the money, and as such – they are even bigger asses for reason 9 & 10.

9. American Express is keeping this item open on victim’s credit so it will not drop off in a reasonable amount of time. Sure, this item would only stay on her credit for 5 years under normal circumstances, however, it’s 5 years from date of last activity – if American Express keeps reporting it as “open” then the activity never really stops.

10. American Express still has collectors harassing the innocent victim and her otherwise spotless credit has a huge $20,000 blemish on it because American Express was a dumb ass.

Like I said, my opinion of why I would go with Visa over American Express any day…

I’ve Been Hiding Under A Rock

Well, not really, but it sounded good.

Apparently I’ve neglected this blog for a little while. The real reason is because I was abducted by nuclear kangaroos and deported to some weird freaky land where giant mole rats are their Gods or something…oh wait, I think that was just one of my freakish nightmares…

Seriously though, I’ve been super duper ooper busy working on some classified projects (well, not really classified in the classified sense of the word…) and I haven’t had too much time to catch my breath.

Technically I’m still on hiatus for a few more weeks and am not taking any new clients until then, however, I still have my current clients to tend to — and just because I’m on hiatus doesn’t mean I’m not working.

I’m still trying to get a redesign for my design site conceptualized for the May 1 reboot, but I don’t know if I’ll actually make it – I have a few other priorities right now — although my site is starting to look a little dated in my opinion. Maybe I’m just tired of looking at the same ‘ole same ‘ole…

I’ve come a very long way since I first put up that site and I want my new design to reflect that. I guess that’s why it’s taking me so long to get the concept done — it’s like my baby, I want it to be just right.

Other than that – not too much else is going on in my neck of the woods. I will, however, try not to neglect this blog so much. Thank you for all the loverly emails of concern – yeppers, I’m still alive.

Can I Have A Pair of Those Ice Bling Mans?

On a recent shopping excursion to buy my nephew some shoes for his birthday, I got schooled.

He mentioned he wanted a pair of shoes, but for the life of me, I couldn’t remember the name of them. So, thinking the logical thing to do would be to ask the store clerk – and my best attempt was “do you have any of those Ice Bling Man shoes?”.

The clerk just looked at me funny and asked “what?” and of course, I repeated the request – mind you, I thought this was the name of the shoes…I turn to my nephew and ask him and he looks at me like ‘I don’t know this lady’ and I feel like a complete arse.

Finally it came to me – the Birdmans…but my question is – if all you remember from the commercial was 1) a rapper; 2) who possibly has ice in his name – or is wearing a whole lot of “ice”; 3) mentions “bling” while wearing a whole lot of bling; and 4) you distinctly remember the word “man” mentioned at the end of the name…wouldn’t the logical conclusion be “ice bling mans” – I think I’m getting old…

I Like Memes

Stolen from Chrissie who stole it from Bitchalicious (oops, I mean “borrowed from”)…

Accent: Depends on my mood. I say I don’t have an accent, however, I frequently get asked if I’m from England.. If you piss me off though, I can sound pretty ghettofabu
Bra size: 36C
Chore I hate: cleaning toilets
Dad’s name: Donovan (i.e. Poppers)
Essential makeup: does Carmex count?
Favourite perfume: Curve (oooo, and Wings, and J’Adore, and Blue, and anything that smells like Lilacs…)
Gold or silver: Silver or White Gold.
Hometown: Born in Chester Castle, JA – raised in Reno, NV
Interesting Fact: I can tie a cherry stem and touch my nose with my tongue
Job Title: Angel In Training
Kids: 1 cat
Living arrangements: 2Bed house on the canal (hey, at least it’s water and there aren’t any alligators)
Mom’s birthplace: Cambridge, Jamaica (I think)
Number of apples eaten last week: does applesauce count?
Overnight hospital stays: I don’t like hospitals, so none that I’m aware of.
Phobias: Toilets (actually dark drains in general, but mostly toilets) and heights
Question you ask yourself a lot: WTF was I thinking?
Religious affiliation: According to beliefnet I’m a Neo-Pagan or something (raised Baptist Christian)
Siblings: 2 older sissies and 1 older brother (all half-siblings)
Time I wake up: Whenever my cat jumps on me
Unnatural hair color: Fantasizing about brown – but I’m not daring enough to actually do it.
Natural hair color: Black
Vegetable I refuse to eat: None that I know of, I like fruits and veggies.
Worst habit: The pillow
X-rays: I believe 4 or 5
Yummy food I make: That would be Double Chocolate Chip Kahlua brownies.
Zodiac sign: Tauremini

If You’ve Ever Wanted To Travel Back In Time…

This auction’s for you…too bad it’s closed.

My favorite question/answer:

Q: Do all the bidders on this item actually believe it works???
A: I hope not.