I Wished I Was White Once…

I’ll probably catch a serious flogging for this later, but at one point in my life I wished I was white.

I had a very bad experience once because of my skin color, no, not that experience — my then boyfriend’s parents told him they didn’t like him dating me because I wasn’t “light enough” (they were chiney). I couldn’t figure out why it would make me different. I laughed, smiled, had feelings like everyone else, right? Heck, we were from the same country.

We hear very often about whites being prejudiced against blacks, but it’s not just white people who are prejudiced – oh no – black people are just as or more prejudiced. Black people aren’t just prejudiced about skin color either, they take it to location. I don’t think most white people are even aware of this because it’s kept so quietly in the black community.

The Caribbean blacks tend to be prejudiced against the American blacks. Go up to a Jamaican, Trini or Haitian and call them African American and watch how quickly they’ll correct you — and I believe it extends a little beyond simple pride in one’s country.

Based on my own experience, Caribbeans generally equate themselves with being hard workers and industrious as a whole, while African Americans are regarded as “lazy” and “ghetto”.

I had no idea of the extent of this mindset until I befriended an American black and my Jamaican friend asked me why I would ‘associate’ myself with an American black (I sanitized this example for your protection).

It took me about a year, but I figured out the basic food chain in my high school:
1. Light skinned Jamaicans (trini, chiney, black/white mixed)
2. Moderate skinned Jamaicans (generally darker black/white mixed)
3. Darked skinned Jamaicans & Haitians
4. Light skinned African Americans
5. Dark skinned African Americans

But this street went both ways, a lot of the African Americans thought of the Caribbeans as stuck up and sell outs. My bus driver actually had the audacity to ask me if my daddy was a ‘drug dealer’ because he ‘picked me up in a different car everyday’. I’ve also been teased a great many times because of how I speak. To quote – I “sound white” or “I’m trying to act white” – er, what?

I speak how I was raised to speak and I take great pride in how I speak. But why should it have mattered how I sound — shouldn’t people be listening to what I actually had to say instead?

Throw in a dash of colorism and we have a bona fide mix of — WTF? I think that’s what drove me over the edge. It seemed less complicated to just be white — and you know what else? I’m fairly sure I’m not the only black person to think along those same lines, just more likely to admit it. I even went out and bought skin bleaching cream and was fully ready to turn myself into, at best, a light skinned Jamaican.

I came to my senses though and have grown quite fond of my loverly shade of a cocoa bean brown (however difficult it may be to find decent make up), but the problem hasn’t exactly gone away and I still need to be extra careful that I don’t go missing at any point in my life.

But now instead of wishing I were white, I just wish that, if only for one day – one measly day – we could all just be treated equally regardless of complexion or nationality. I figure, in that one day, the world may come to its senses and that one day will turn into many more…is that too much to ask?

I like other people’s blogs

Hey all. I know it’s not Friday any more but since Teli’s blog is still open for FFAF I thought I’d play around.

It’s wierd blogging on someone elses blog. It feels like I’m doing something I shouldn’t be, like going through their underwear drawer…

But we won’t go there ;-)

Anyway, blog on people!

A Phoenix

Since I’ve been working my way down the FFAF blog roll, my brain is starting to die on topics. Thank goodness teli left some topics. PHEW.

If you could only pick one, would you rather be a sea creature or a bird – why?
A bird. I would have to say a bird just because you get to fly. That’s something I’ve always wanted to be able to do. Just fly, under my own power, to wherever I need to be. So free and utterly unfettered. ::sighs::

To be specific, I’d be a phoenix. A phoenix never truly dies. A new one arises from the ashes of the old one. Immortality. Woohooo. That would be nice, since I have days where I flip out about death. Yeah. It’s part of the cycle, but who wants it to come so soon? (=

Anyway. A phoenix. I get to fly AND be immortal. Life would be pretty darn good.

By Barbara of Burning Evanescence


Just thought I would sneak by while my manager wasn’t looking to say Happy FFAF, and I hope you have a great weekend.


I am the procrastinator!

Time killers? Erm, at work killing the time between 4 and half past when I leave is usually spent with lots of sheets of paper. They all have 6-digit numbers, and so you first separate them by the first two, then the third, fourth and so on, that generally kills time, however putting them away doesn’t take very long at all. There was one girl who was killing time by putting on her makeup using her computer screen as a mirror, that seemed like a good idea, but not for the guys though. As for terrible time-killers, exploring what the buttons on the coffee machine do? I ended up with a choco-coffe concoction this morning. That is something I will never do again :s
Best advice is don’t waste time, look like you’re doing something useful, and people will never question you, oh, and have a good explanation at hand, such as “I was sorting my drawers and decided to group these plastic wallets by colour before I give them back to admin”. However, don’t try that on your boss!

~ Phill from blackheart where the FFAF fun don’t stop :p

FFAF Haiku

Killing Time Haiku

The worst time killer?
I can think of only one.
Writing bad haikus!

Captain Platypus
(pardon the mess, I’m still moving in!)

FFAF and No More Late Nights For Me!


Well, I think I’ve finally learned my lesson – no more late nights! I didn’t get my butt to bed until 5am (and no I wasn’t partying – more like working…)

And thanks to a kick in the bum from Luka – I am now opening the blog up for FFAF, so feel free to log in and post what’s on your mind :D

If you’re mind is drawing a blank right now – try one of these topics:
If you could only pick one, would you rather be a sea creature or a bird – why?
Is Disney really evil?
What is truly the worst time killer of all?

Instructions & rules:
1) Please do not promote any hate related or other negative type sites while you’re pimping stuff on my blog;
2) I reserve the right to moderate, edit or delete any entries which violate rule #1 at my sole discretion

How to post to my blog:
1) Go to http://www.mildinsanity.com/wp-login.php
2) If you have an account already, use your login info, if not use the following login and password: FFAF/free
3) You will be redirected to the “Dashboard? – click on “Write?
4) In the categories box on the right, make sure there is a check mark next to “It’s A Free For All?
5) Type a title in the “Title? field and type whatever you want in the “Post? field.
6) When you’re done, hit the “Publish? button

Have Fun! Follow the break for more participants finish reading »

I Need To Blog More…Sort Of

I need to blog here more often. I’m sure my semi-loyal readership is ready to unsubscribe from my feed and leave my blog to the wayside…but I assure you, I am alive and well – just swamped.

I have been working on another project and I am working very hard on my other websites – I won’t disclose the number, but let’s just leave it at a lot and that eats up huge chunks of my time.

Although I have a schedule and plan mapped out – it’s never as easy to follow as it looks on paper and between clients, my own websites, and my upcoming project – my personal blogs are being seriously neglected.

Hopefully that will change within the next few months…I should have all my clients and personal projects squared away before then. I’m also planning a short vacation, but that has yet to be solidified.

Well, seeing as how it’s the wee hours of the morning and I have yet another contractor coming to my home to give me an estimate for my bathroom tomorrow (thank goodness I scheduled afternoon) – I should at least try to go to sleep now…

Warning Signs of Being Slightly Stalkerish

Okay, the title is a little sarcastic. These are, in fact, warning signs of being overtly stalkerish.

1. You call the person’s cell phone and when she does not answer you leave a 6 minute message (to the point where her voice mail system hangs up on you), then you call back and pick up the message exactly where you left off – and in that 10 minute 2 part phone message, you don’t say a damn thing except “er..uh…er.”

2. You then turn around and call the person’s home phone no more than 2 minutes later and when she does not answer you leave her a 3 minute long phone message (to the point where her answering machine hangs up on you), then you call back and pick up the message exactly where you left off – and, again, in that 6 minute 2 part phone message, you still can’t get past the “er…uh…er.”

3. You still feel it’s necessary less than one minute later to email the person with a message saying “I called you.” (and also blind carbon copy it to her back up email address.)

4. You also feel it’s necessary to contact her via the contact form on her website saying “I called you and just sent you an email message.”

(you’ll note at this point that neither email message contained any other information).

5. You covertly try to get the person’s mailing address so you can send her ‘stuff’ after you’ve just ambushed her with a 9pm* phone call after she explicitly told you on prior occasions (yes, plural) never to call her ever again.

Of course, there are a few more warning signs you can add to the list, but those are the blatantly obvious ones – something to think about.

* 9pm may not be late to some people, but it sure as hell is when you’re not a friend or family member and it’s always too late when the person is afraid of you and told you never to call her again.

The Reason I Don’t Eat Goat

I realize I have a bad habit of befriending animals – especially animals slated for dinner. Being the true Jamerican that I am, while in Jamaica a while back I befriended a goat. I named the goat, I played with the goat and I thought it was the coolest thing that I found such a well behaved goat…

Fast forward about 5 hours and while we are all gathered in the living room, my grandmother announces that the curried goat is ready…uh huh. Despite this, I had no idea she meant my goat until I realized the goat was missing from the back yard (yes, I was young and naive).

To this day, I still have a hard time eating anything that once had a face and now we can add chicken to the list…I didn’t befriend the chicken per se, but after watching it get slaughtered on t.v. I’m now re-evaluating the vegetarian lifestyle.