Ramblings of the Mildly Insane

Because I spent a good portion of this week trying to figure out what the hell I did to piss Murphy off, today I decided to hide from the world and reminisce.

Part of that reminiscing (the part after my sister showed up on my doorstep and forced me to venture out into the world of the living) I’ve been watching VH1’s I Love The 80s series and I have a few confessions to make.

• I used to watch, love, and am still pissed that they canceled Inspector Gadget, Jem, and She-Ra.
• I watched ALF every week and prayed for God to send me my own fuzzy alien (instead I got a cat).
• I danced like an Egyptian, and still do when no one’s watching.
• When I was 10, I decided to marry Rob Lowe when I turned 20 (as you may have guessed, that didn’t happen).
• I recognized and knew the lyrics to every song they featured. Every. Single. One.
• I think Don Johnson’s single was pretty decent.
• I fantasized about being on Nickelodeon’s Double Dare
• I collected Garbage Pail Kids

I’m sure there’s more, but that’s all I can think of right now.

On a final note, in today’s day and age, you probably couldn’t get away with a PSA that includes “…life can be pretty fun if you’re straight.”

Chances are it’d be misconstrued. Oh how times have changed.

Apparently, it’s de-lurk week.

That means, if you read my blog, but never comment (or otherwise make your presence known around here), you’re lurking.

Please de-lurk yourself. I’m giving you the puppy dog pouty face with big sad eyes. Really, I am.

In all seriousness, I really would love to find out who’s reading my blog. I see my stats and sure, they tell me people are here, but who are you really?

Tell me your hopes, your fears, your goals, what you had for breakfast - or you can just say hi. It’s up to you, I’ll just be happy to see your virtual faces.

(P.S. This post is sticky and will stay up for the rest of this week. Scroll down for the new stuff.)

Pandora is awesome. I didn’t quite get all the fuss I’ve been hearing about it (didn’t even know what it was) lately, but after taking a quick visit today, I can say I understand now.

If you haven’t gone to Pandora - stop whatever you’re doing right now. Just stop it. Seriously. And go.

You can thank me later.

The other day, while out with my sister, I observed her. I did more than just see her. I watched her playing with my nephew, the hugs they shared, and the love exchanged so silently between them.

Something clicked within me and it just made me smile. The same fear that paralyzes me from having children, from even contemplating it for too long, I think is the same fear that drives her to love him that much more.

In that moment I caught a glimpse of what motherhood is all about, all the love that flows from a mother’s heart and how vastly different it is from any other kind of love. One day, I can hope to experience that same love, through all of my fears.

(Note: This entry was actually written 2 years ago and sat unloved in my drafts. After happening upon it once again, I’m finally ready to publish it.)

Normally I go into the new year with my head hung low, bleeding heart in hand. But this year it was different.

2006 came, I cried, but I also smiled, and therein lies the surprise. I haven’t smiled at the stroke of midnight since 1992.

But 2006 is different. Deep in my bones, I can feel that it’s a powerful year. Not just for me, but for everyone.

It’s a year that will be filled with laughter, beauty, joy, understanding, and healing. Lots and lots of healing.

This year, I’ve forgiven everyone who’s ever hurt me and I finally gave myself permission to be free and move forward.

I’ve decided that I am going to live each moment in the moment.

I know that each and every minute will take me to someplace new and exciting. Leading me closer to one of my goals or leading me to somewhere else - either way, I’m going to enjoy the ride.

If you’re not a fan of the Gilmore Girls, you can probably stop reading now.

On last night’s episode of the Gilmore Girls, did the mother of Luke’s child look familiar? If not, then you’ve not been paying close enough attention.

Remember Jess? Yes, the bad boy that Rory used to date. He ran away to visit his father in California and was greeted by a blonde haired, free spirited woman.

If you guessed that the woman dating Jess’ father (and who also had the little girl that liked to read in a closet) is also the mother of Luke’s little girl - then you’d guess right.

I wonder if the WB thought no one would notice? Or, if there’s something else going on there.

Hmmm…

Do you need a pick me up? Seriously.

Yea, I thought so. Well, no need to look any further, there’s a screenshot in my sidebar (yes, look over there now) — if you click on it, you’ll probably smile after a few minutes of reading.

If you’re like me, you may just end up laughing. I especially love the complaint department and “the rules” — but be warned, it’s not for the faint of heart.

I was disturbed by helicopters flying overhead. I thought nothing of it because every so often military helicopters cross over on their way to Homestead, but today it was different.

The sound wasn’t going away, and when I looked out my kitchen window I saw it wasn’t a military helicopter and it was circling above my home. A few seconds later I hear a voice. A loud booming voice saying, in a very commanding tone, “Come out with your hands up!”

My initial reaction was to figure out what the hell was going on. Since I have no criminal record that I know of, I figured they weren’t talking to me. Plus, I didn’t have a shirt on, so I wasn’t about to go running outside with anything up.

Following the sound of the helicopter, I ran to the back of my house (luckily my patio is still missing from hurricane Wilma, otherwise I may have missed the scene).

Directly across the canal in the mobile home park, I see massive amounts of police squad cars, drug dogs, cops with weapons pulled and again, the voice from the helicopter demanding that someone come out with their hands up.

I admit it, I started panicking and upon seeing weapons, immediately dropped to the ground because my house would fall directly in the line of fire despite being separated by a not nearly wide enough canal.

WTF? When the city wanted to demolish the mobile home park to build more single family homes, I voted to let them stay. I knew they’d never be able to afford those homes.

And this is how they repay me? By doing God only knows what because they wanted to get on this week’s episode of Cops or something?

This type of thing doesn’t happen here, or at least, it shouldn’t happen here. It may not be the Hamptons, but it isn’t the ghetto.

I am finally starting to understand what my neighbors are talking about when they say the neighborhood is declining, and fast.

My new year’s resolution: move. I can still hear the helicopters and wish I could crawl into a cubby and hide. I no longer feel safe in my home.

Update: I honestly don’t know what or why, but I know who. A teenager (or at least, he looked like a teenager) was apprehended, cuffed and put in one of the squad cars. The police are gone, but I can still hear the helicopter hovering overhead (not directly over my home anymore, thank God).