While making my own notes to self, I decided to check out how others are doing it. So far, this is hilarious.

A few of my personal favorites in no particular order (my comments are in italics off to the side):

  • Never buy 1-ply toilet paper. The price-savings to raw-ass ratio never works out in your favor. (Sometimes people need to learn this lesson the hard way.)
  • Make a yearly habit of firing a gun, if for no other reason than to remind yourself you’re not particulalry fond of them and they can be quite dangerous if you’re not aware of what to do. Ditto for going out on a blind date. (Been there, done that and it wasn’t pretty — have the pictures to prove it. I’m talking about both, firing a gun and the blind date.)
  • Buy a ninja costume. Invent social occasions to wear it in public.
  • Rob the jewelry store and tell ‘em make me a grill.
  • Name each of your toes. Attempt to train them to stand at attention when called by name. Belittle the ones who can’t manage. By flipflop season you’ll realize that tough love was the way to go.
  • Find the end of the internet. Move on with your life. (Here you go.)
  • At some point this week, eat a meal that tastes so good it makes you want to curse. Out-loud. Pay heftily for the privilege of doing so if necessary. (I’ll do so only after I’ve lost the necessary weight and shamelessly flaunted my ass in a bikini for ten days in Australia.)
  • Begin referring to “SMS Messaging” as “S&M Messaging” in conversation. Stare at people incredulously if they have the nerve to correct you.
  • Clean out your inbox. Triple digits are BAD. (If triple digits are bad, I wonder what quadruple digits are.)
  • No matter what lies you tell yourself, you really will feel better if you just go ahead and get up in the morning instead of rolling back over. (Riiiiiight.)
  • Go get a slight crush on a cute [guy]. It makes you smile for no apparent reason. (‘Tis true. ‘Tis true.)

Okay, there are far too many humdingers to list, so go read, have a laugh, and gain some wisdom. Don’t say I never gave you nuthin’.